Are you on a mission to discover the world’s best dad jokes? You’re totally cringing right now, but that’s the whole point of these short jokes. So, prepare to clear the aisles, because these one-liners are guaranteed to have you rolling in them.
Best Dad Jokes
- Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.
- I wondered why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
- Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
- Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they golfing? In case they get a hole-in-one!
- Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
- Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is.
- I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. And then it hit me.
- Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
- What kind of cars do eggs drive? Yolkswagens.
- Where do bad rainbows go? Prism, it’s a light sentence.
- What does corn say when it gets a compliment? Aw, shucks.
- Did you hear the sausage joke? It’s the wurst.
- Where are average things manufactured? The Satisfactory.
- How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? From the bark.
Best dad jokes of all time
- Why did the pasta go to the dermatologist? It had a big ziti.
- Why are shopping centers boring? Because if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.
- Did you hear about the girl who ate a frog? They say she’s going to croak.
- Bacon and eggs walk into a restaurant. The host says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
- Did you hear about the magician who was driving down the street? He turned into a parking lot.
- Why didn’t the chef season his dish? He ran out of thyme.
Funny dad jokes
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent.
- Why did the car take a nap? It was tired.
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- Did you hear the one about the guy who ate a frog? He’s probably going to croak.
- Did you hear about the octopus that held up a bank? It was an armed robbery.
- What do you call a cold puppy? A chili dog.
- I put my old car in reverse and thought, “Wow, this really takes me back.”
The Best of All Time
- What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
- How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.
- Why was the stadium so hot? Because all the fans left.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
Best Dad Jokes for Kids
- Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
- How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
- Why did the picture go to prison? Because it was framed.
- How does a hurricane see? With one eye.
- Where do polar bears keep their money? The snow bank.
- What’s a tornado’s favorite game? Twister!
- How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
- What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
- What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
- What did the banana say to the boy? Nothing, bananas can’t talk!
- What rock group has four men who don’t sing? Mount Rushmore.
- My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
- “Did you get your haircut?” No, I got them all cut.
Short Dad Jokes
- RIP boiling water, you will be mist.
- I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it’s more of a wrap.
- A witch’s vehicle goes brrroom, brrroom!
- The waiter asked if I wanted a box for my leftovers, but I told him I’m not into fighting.
- If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
- If the early bird catches the worm, I’ll sleep in until there are pancakes.
- I used to be able to play the piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.
- Did Noah include termites on the ark?
- Keep the dream alive, and hit the snooze button.
- I tell dad jokes but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa.
- Whiteboards are remarkable.
No matter your pleasure, these corny jokes will kill when expertly deployed. If you need more motivation here’s one more joke for you must read this article.
